Gonzo, as Gabriel, blows his horn as the cast sings the rest of the song and Fritz rises to the world above. The cast make their way to the stage, dressed as angels in heaven. Gonzo proceeds to sing a verse of "Great Day."Ĭ'mon, onstage everybody! Oop, don't step on Fritz! What are you people saying?! Fritz was a man of the theatre! He died trying to turn the greasepaint and tinsel into magic! Why, this show could be his final tribute! Fritz would've wanted it this way. Music starts as he speaks and a small crowd gathers. (gaps) Oooo, like, now the show will never go on! (moans of pain) Oink! (collapses on desk)įritz regains life briefly, only to moan some more and drop dead on the floor. Uh, "take three?" Uh, Fritz, you run a tight ship.Ī hand peers out from behind a plant and fires a gun toward Fritz. Kermit approaches Fritz as the cast disperses. O'Shaughnessy! Okay, everybody - take three! (entering) A vonderful rehearsal! Oh, vonderful, Ms. Liza and the Muppets perform an elaborate production number, "Copacabana."īackstage, the Muppet cast applauds as Liza enters the room and taps Zoot on the shoulder. Okay, everybody ready! It's all yours, Liza! Curtain! The moment of magic, the raw, unbridled passion! You know vhat I vant? Piggy laughs sarcastically and storms off. Oh, uh, they're not exactly the same type.įri.oh, excuse me, Miss.uh.uh.dear. (to Scooter) Uh, let me get this straight, she is Liza O'Shaughnessy's understudy? Scooter has joined Kermit and Beauregard in the wings. You promised me I would star in this turkey! (off-screen) FRITZ! (enters) I will not walk through some dumb rehearsal. O'Shaughnessy's not quite ready yet, Fritz! Kermit waits in the wings, where Beauregard yells from. (into megaphone) Let down the white drapes! We're gonna rehearse the first act finale, Liza's number. QUIET!!! Quiet! Who let that frog in here?! This attracts the attention of director Fritz, played by Julius Strangepork. Kermit bumps into a box covered with props, knocking it over with a crash.
While Liza went to change for rehearsal, I just hung around backstage, trying not to be conspicuous. (narrating) The Majestic Theatre looked like any theater the day before opening. Who put the lights over here? Where do you want the scenery. Rowlf plays piano as Miss Piggy practices her scales. (takes his hand)ĭissolve to the Majestic Theatre, where the Muppet cast rehearsals and mills around setting up. (produces a dagger) Well, it was pinned with this and my dresser's name was Gladys!īut, don't worry, sweet lips. If you try to open, you will all die." Where'd you find it? (sits down at Kermit's desk and rummages through her purse) Well, I got to my dressing room this morning and I found this note. You have no idea, you have no idea what.what a living nightmare I've been through! The dread, the terror! Opening a show at the Roxy tomorrow, right? I know the face from the papers and the name from the marquee, toots. Just like it says on the door, sweetheart. Liza O'Shaughnessy, played by Minelli, enters the office, dressed very elegantly.Įxcuse me. Being a private eye isn't much of a job if you like class, which is why a visitor surprised me. I was just stopping by the office for a quick root beer and browse through the paper work 'cause I had just finished a missing pollywog case. It was the kind of a New York summer night when you expect to see lily pads growing on Broadway. Somewhere in the city, a lonely trumpet was playing. (narrating) It was Wednesday evening in July. He matches his eye with the mark on the door as he enters. Kermit narrates as he approaches his office, KERMIT THE FROG - PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR.
The curtains open on an empty, New York City office at night. Uh, ladies and gentlemen, the Muppet Players hereby present an evening of intrigue and mystery. Uh, Scooter? (Scooter rises) Would you stop rehearsing? It's time to start the play. Scooter enters, gasping for breath, still with the knife in his back. Uh, Scooter? Would you come in and take over for me? Matter of fact, it's so different, I have to go backstage and get ready for it. And, on top of that, we're going to do a very different show tonight. Thank you, thank you, thank you and welcome again to The Muppet Show! Our guest star tonight is one of the few ladies on Earth who deserve the title "superstar," Miss Liza Minnelli. (to the audience below) Run for your lives! It's The Muppet Show, with our very special guest star, Liza Minelli! Yaaay! Scooter suddenly starts gasping and stumbles toward the table, revealing a dagger in his back. (doing her make-up) Oh, thank you, Scooter. Liza Minnelli? Fifteen seconds to curtain, Liza.
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